I thought that parenting would get easier as the children grew into adulthood. Boy, was I wrong! I’m learning that in spades right now. Fielding phone calls and texts about college classes that are frustrating one minute, then helping navigate the rough waters of relationships or finances the next, parenting adult children can be, well let’s just say, interesting. I have come to the end of many conversations feeling less than adequate and quite frankly, frustrated. One day, Son called me. He was all excited about a truck he had found. It was quite a deal. He asked for my opinion on the truck, and I laid out the pros and cons, from my point of view. Gave him my opinion and he went ahead and purchased the truck anyway. To be fair, I’m sure my children have felt this same frustration with me as well. I know they have left conversations feeling unheard and misunderstood.
There is a feeling of powerlessness, a kiss and a bandaid don’t help alleviate the pain of a crumbling marriage or an out of control credit card bill. I can’t step in and talk to a bullying co-workers mom and alleviate that stress from their lives. I can’t sweet talk the boss into giving them better assignments. I can’t make sure they are getting to bed on time or eating right or cleaning their homes. I can’t stop them from spending the money they have earned.
So how do you talk to your adult child when you can so clearly see them making mistakes that could be avoided? How do you treat your child like an adult, when the decisions they are making seem childish to you? I have seen my children taking paths that I have tried to walk on in the past. I have seen them ignoring their spouse to get a project done. I have seen them trying to buy happiness on credit. Trying to share my experiences often leads to a rift in the relationship or hard feelings. They feel like I’m trying to control them or that I don’t trust them. I don’t want that. So what is a parent to do?
I try to think back to when I was their age, so that I can see both sides of the coin. I remember the first experiences of independence. What did I want from my parents at that time? I was fortunate enough to live in the same small town as my parents and basically passed their house every day I went to work. That closeness gave me a sense of security.
So how can I give my kids that same sense of security when they might live hours from me? As hard as it is, I can just listen. Listen without formulating a response. Listen without trying to fix it. Listen without condemning or lecturing. As difficult as this is, it is vital! Especially when I have done what they are doing and know the destructiveness that will come from it. But more powerful than listening to them, I can pray for them. I can ask the Father, who loves them more than I do, to intervene and to give them wisdom.
What a comfort to know that God loves my kids and wants the very best for them. However, unlike me, God can see the complete picture. He knows the very best path for my children. Do I trust him enough to give him my kids? I must if I want my children to learn to trust and rely on Him.
Here are some verses that I have prayed over my kids, I encourage you to pick a couple and try it.
- John 3:16
- 1 John 2:1
- James 4:10
- Psalms 119:105
- John 17:15
- Galatians 1:10
- Proverbs 4:5-7
- James 4:7
- James 1:22
- 1 Samuel 23:16
- Proverbs 18:22
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Adventures in Abundance 
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